Today when I was on Facebook I noticed that Rick's status said "dealing with the lows of life." It made me sad. But it also reminded me that we are both feeling pretty low right now. So many things seem to be going wrong for us right now. It just feels like we can't catch our breath. Almost like we're drowning. The ship is sinking with us on board.
One of the biggest lows Rick is dealing with is his work schedule. He really hates the shift changes he is dealing with at work. It is especially frustrating for me to watch him struggle due to all the crazy different hours he has been working. This past weekend was really rough on him. He had to work at noon one day and then turn around with less than a day in between and work at midnight. That caused him to spend all day on Halloween suffering with a terrible headache. He hardly got any sleep, I am talking like maybe 2 hours. It would be hard for a healthy person to work like that, but for someone that is not healthy it is unbearable. My PSC peeps understand the fatigue that comes with having PSC. So to already deal with that type of fatigue and then add in ridiculous shift changes is very hard on the body.
And then today he was told that the store manager likes having him at the store in the evenings and wants to keep him on this crazy @$$ schedule. (sorry for the language, I am just really pissed) That is NOT fair. The manager said he wants the new person to work Rick's shift and keep Rick with the screwed up shifts. Rick has worked there for 16 years and now is being treated terribly. For someone who said that they want what's best for Rick they sure are screwing him over. So the lesson here would be that working hard only gets you screwed with!
I just want to runaway, but I know that won't help. But I just need a break. I have been trying to hand all this over to God but I am not good at that. It has just been such a hard year. I feel broken somehow. Like I am not the same person anymore. I just don't care as much about some things anymore. I really don't care if my house is organized. I really don't care if everything is picked up and put away. I just really don't feel like the same person. And it makes it worse when those little things are pointed out to me. Like I don't know that things in my house aren't the same. Like things in my life aren't the same. They're not. And now I have to learn how to embrace the new me. I shouldn't feel guilty for not wanting to go back to the old me. And for those people that don't accept this as me now, well then they just don't have any idea what this last year has done to me.
I really do want to feel happy again. But this time of year is really hard to deal with when I don't have the finances to enjoy it. I look at my girls and feel sad that I can't do the things with them that they want to do. I do hope that they know how very much I love them. And how sorry I am that they don't get to do all things they want to do.
Oh goodness, I am really pathetic. Sorry.
Jaime
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Crowbar Incident
WARNING: Gross picture below!
Rick had himself a little accident tonight. He was moving some cabinets in the basement from his drum room to the laundry room. The cabinet needed to be cut out of place. Rick was using a crowbar and set it on top of the cabinet. He bent down and wiggled the cabinet. Remember what was on top of the cabinet? Yep, the crowbar. It fell off the top of the cabinet and landed on the top of his head.
He came upstairs and called for me to come help him. And he made sure to tell me in advance not to freak out. I had heard the saw running downstairs and then I heard something fall, which happened to be the crowbar. So I figured I was going to be seeing something I didn't want to see.
I walked in to the bathroom to see blood pouring down Rick's face. I held it together, grabbed a towel, and starting wiping up blood. When I could finally see where the blood was coming from I made the decision to take him to the Emergency Room. Of course Rick didn't want to go, but he went because he said he knew if he didn't he wouldn't hear the end of it.
Thankfully we didn't have to wait for very long in the ER. Rick got 4 stitches in the top of his head.
And then we came home and he showed off the crowbar that did the damage.
Didn't think I would be spending Sunday evening in the Emergency Room. And I didn't freak out about all the blood either. Wow!!
Until next time,
Jaime
Rick had himself a little accident tonight. He was moving some cabinets in the basement from his drum room to the laundry room. The cabinet needed to be cut out of place. Rick was using a crowbar and set it on top of the cabinet. He bent down and wiggled the cabinet. Remember what was on top of the cabinet? Yep, the crowbar. It fell off the top of the cabinet and landed on the top of his head.
He came upstairs and called for me to come help him. And he made sure to tell me in advance not to freak out. I had heard the saw running downstairs and then I heard something fall, which happened to be the crowbar. So I figured I was going to be seeing something I didn't want to see.
I walked in to the bathroom to see blood pouring down Rick's face. I held it together, grabbed a towel, and starting wiping up blood. When I could finally see where the blood was coming from I made the decision to take him to the Emergency Room. Of course Rick didn't want to go, but he went because he said he knew if he didn't he wouldn't hear the end of it.
Thankfully we didn't have to wait for very long in the ER. Rick got 4 stitches in the top of his head.
And then we came home and he showed off the crowbar that did the damage.
Didn't think I would be spending Sunday evening in the Emergency Room. And I didn't freak out about all the blood either. Wow!!
Until next time,
Jaime
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Rick
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Happy Halloween
The girls have been super excited to get to wear their Halloween costumes. They finally got to put them on yesterday for their class parties. They both picked out what they wanted to be without any influence from me. Sam chose The Flash. Apparently it is a superhero from Justice League. I don't know, I'm not very knowledgeable in superhero. Megan chose Daphne, from Scooby Doo. I know, big shock. She is a huge fan of Scooby Doo. At least I knew who that one is.
Nana and Papa with all their little goblins.
Nana and Papa with all their little goblins.
I hope you had a fun Halloween. It was a busy day to end a busy month. And it is just going to get busier with the upcoming holidays. I am already exhausted, oh please Lord give me strength.
Until next time,
Jaime
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Frustration and Exhaustion
The two words that really sum up how I have been feeling is frustration and exhaustion. I am tired. Really, really tired. It could be from all the running around with kids and their activities. It could be from working. It could be from traveling with Rick to the band competitions. But it could also be from my depression. Yes, I take medicine for depression. I admit it because I am not embarrassed by it. It has been a rough couple years and so I got depressed. I am feeling a bit like I am having some more depression. Which would help to answer the tired question.
Frustration is also a big part of the exhaustion. I am frustrated with so many parts of my life right now. Frustrated with Rick's work schedule. After 16 years of working for the same company his hours are being screwed with and he goes from working 12:30pm -9:00pm to working 12:30am-9:00am. That not only screws up him, it screws up our whole family. And I worry about what that severe change to his system will do to his health.
As I am sure you have been aware I am frustrated with my kids. We have been battling with them to pick up their rooms, show respect to each other, and to stop destroying the house. By destroying I mean that they write on the walls, furniture, and basically disrespect our things. It has reached a boiling point that is about to boil over into complete disarray. They have not been showing us respect, and have been showing a complete lack of responsibility. Yes my expectations are for 6 and 9 year olds. I do realize they are just kids, but this is out of hand. And it makes me sick to see this happening in our family. I feel like I have tried so many different tactics that have all failed. I don't want to be a failure to my kids. I want them to grow up with awesome memories, not memories of always being yelled at. I don't want to yell at them, I try to avoid it as much as possible. But I just don't know what to do anymore.
That is the biggest problem that I face everyday. The girls are always fighting with each other. I am feeling like a terrible mother, like I must have done something wrong. This is not how I want our family dynamic. I am so frustrated and saddened by how things are going right now.
The second biggest frustration is the financial situation we are in right now. It has been a rough couple years and it is really hard to try to feel like I'm not drowning. All these things are not good for our marriage either. We are lucky to have formed such a close bond over the past few years. But sometimes life gets in the way and right now I am not feeling that bond as strongly which breaks my heart.
These are the reasons that I haven't been blogging much lately. I don't feel like I have anything positive to say. I have had a really hard time thinking of things to write. Nobody wants to keep reading depressing blog posts. And I really want to be funny or witty, so that is why I have been avoiding the blog. My goal is to get this all turned around now that our crazy schedule of activities is slowing down. We have a long winter ahead of us, which means a lot of time stuck together in the house. And it is going to suck if I can't get things turned around.
I am going to give it my all. I want a strong, loving family. I don't want to be frustrated and exhausted anymore!
Until next time,
Jaime
Frustration is also a big part of the exhaustion. I am frustrated with so many parts of my life right now. Frustrated with Rick's work schedule. After 16 years of working for the same company his hours are being screwed with and he goes from working 12:30pm -9:00pm to working 12:30am-9:00am. That not only screws up him, it screws up our whole family. And I worry about what that severe change to his system will do to his health.
As I am sure you have been aware I am frustrated with my kids. We have been battling with them to pick up their rooms, show respect to each other, and to stop destroying the house. By destroying I mean that they write on the walls, furniture, and basically disrespect our things. It has reached a boiling point that is about to boil over into complete disarray. They have not been showing us respect, and have been showing a complete lack of responsibility. Yes my expectations are for 6 and 9 year olds. I do realize they are just kids, but this is out of hand. And it makes me sick to see this happening in our family. I feel like I have tried so many different tactics that have all failed. I don't want to be a failure to my kids. I want them to grow up with awesome memories, not memories of always being yelled at. I don't want to yell at them, I try to avoid it as much as possible. But I just don't know what to do anymore.
That is the biggest problem that I face everyday. The girls are always fighting with each other. I am feeling like a terrible mother, like I must have done something wrong. This is not how I want our family dynamic. I am so frustrated and saddened by how things are going right now.
The second biggest frustration is the financial situation we are in right now. It has been a rough couple years and it is really hard to try to feel like I'm not drowning. All these things are not good for our marriage either. We are lucky to have formed such a close bond over the past few years. But sometimes life gets in the way and right now I am not feeling that bond as strongly which breaks my heart.
These are the reasons that I haven't been blogging much lately. I don't feel like I have anything positive to say. I have had a really hard time thinking of things to write. Nobody wants to keep reading depressing blog posts. And I really want to be funny or witty, so that is why I have been avoiding the blog. My goal is to get this all turned around now that our crazy schedule of activities is slowing down. We have a long winter ahead of us, which means a lot of time stuck together in the house. And it is going to suck if I can't get things turned around.
I am going to give it my all. I want a strong, loving family. I don't want to be frustrated and exhausted anymore!
Until next time,
Jaime
Monday, October 26, 2009
My Favorite City
Do you all remember that I love Seattle? Well, I do! I love all the water, the skyline, how it smells. I don't enjoy the traffic. But I really look forward to being able to get over to Seattle. However it isn't very often. Since the last marching band competition of the season just happens to be in Everett (just a few miles north of Seattle for those of you not familiar with the area) it is the perfect opportunity to spend a little time there before heading up to meet the band. The weather this year was typical Seattle weather. It was windy and misty. But it still smelled fantastic!! And made for some beautiful rainbows.
We took a drive around Seattle and went up to the Queen Anne neighborhood. There is a cute park that looks out over the Seattle center, which includes the Space Needle, and the downtown skyline. Can you say gorgeous?
It was a nice drive with all the beautiful fall colors. Of course we made our way to Spud's for lunch. Fish and Chips + Clam Chowder = Yummy!!!!! Seriously, it is soooo good!!!
Oh how I wish I could spend more time in my favorite city.
Until next time,
Jaime
We took a drive around Seattle and went up to the Queen Anne neighborhood. There is a cute park that looks out over the Seattle center, which includes the Space Needle, and the downtown skyline. Can you say gorgeous?
It was a nice drive with all the beautiful fall colors. Of course we made our way to Spud's for lunch. Fish and Chips + Clam Chowder = Yummy!!!!! Seriously, it is soooo good!!!
Oh how I wish I could spend more time in my favorite city.
Until next time,
Jaime
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Liver Disease Facts Part 3
It is time for another installment of Liver Disease Facts. Remember that October is Liver Disease Awareness Month. And also remember that I am totally borrowing these facts from Shawnee.
1. About 15,000 children are hospitalized every year with pediatric liver diseases or disorders. How sad is that?? Nobody would accuse the kiddos of having liver disease because of alcohol. Just saying.
2. More than 15,000 patients are currently registered on the liver transplant waiting list of the United Network for Organ Sharing (UNOS), while only about 4,500 cadaver donor livers become available for transplantation each year. That is a seriously scary statistic. It seems so simple, just be an organ donor.
3. Nonalcoholic fatty liver disease (NAFL) and Nonalcoholic Steatohepatitis (NASH), obesity-related chronic liver disease, may affect as many as one in every four adults over the age of 18. Thin people or of average build can also get fatty liver. In fact, people can develop fatty liver even if they do not experience any health conditions such as obesity or diabetes. See, "Nonalcoholic".
4. Drugs can cause liver disease in several ways. Some drugs are directly injurious to the liver; others are transformed by the liver into chemicals that can be injurious to the liver directly or indirectly. (This may seem strange in light of the liver's important role in transforming toxic chemicals into nontoxic chemicals, but it happens.) There are three types of liver toxicity; dose-dependent toxicity, idiosyncratic toxicity, and drug allergy. The most important examples of dose-dependent toxicity are: Tylenol (acetaminophen), statins (cholesterol reducers), Niacin, Amiodarone (Cordarone), Methotrexate (Rheumatrex, Trexall), many antibiotics, NSAIDs, and even some vitamins and herbs. This is exactly why it is so difficult to treat all of Rick's conditions. Since his liver is already damaged that rules out the use of so many drugs that could potentially help with the other diseases. But we of course do not want to risk damaging the liver any more, or speed up the liver failure process.
So are you bored yet? It is so important to me to get the word out that liver disease can affect anyone. Young or old. Healthy or maybe not so healthy.
Until next time,
Jaime
1. About 15,000 children are hospitalized every year with pediatric liver diseases or disorders. How sad is that?? Nobody would accuse the kiddos of having liver disease because of alcohol. Just saying.
2. More than 15,000 patients are currently registered on the liver transplant waiting list of the United Network for Organ Sharing (UNOS), while only about 4,500 cadaver donor livers become available for transplantation each year. That is a seriously scary statistic. It seems so simple, just be an organ donor.
3. Nonalcoholic fatty liver disease (NAFL) and Nonalcoholic Steatohepatitis (NASH), obesity-related chronic liver disease, may affect as many as one in every four adults over the age of 18. Thin people or of average build can also get fatty liver. In fact, people can develop fatty liver even if they do not experience any health conditions such as obesity or diabetes. See, "Nonalcoholic".
4. Drugs can cause liver disease in several ways. Some drugs are directly injurious to the liver; others are transformed by the liver into chemicals that can be injurious to the liver directly or indirectly. (This may seem strange in light of the liver's important role in transforming toxic chemicals into nontoxic chemicals, but it happens.) There are three types of liver toxicity; dose-dependent toxicity, idiosyncratic toxicity, and drug allergy. The most important examples of dose-dependent toxicity are: Tylenol (acetaminophen), statins (cholesterol reducers), Niacin, Amiodarone (Cordarone), Methotrexate (Rheumatrex, Trexall), many antibiotics, NSAIDs, and even some vitamins and herbs. This is exactly why it is so difficult to treat all of Rick's conditions. Since his liver is already damaged that rules out the use of so many drugs that could potentially help with the other diseases. But we of course do not want to risk damaging the liver any more, or speed up the liver failure process.
So are you bored yet? It is so important to me to get the word out that liver disease can affect anyone. Young or old. Healthy or maybe not so healthy.
Until next time,
Jaime
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Soccer Saturday
Thank goodness for warmer weather. It was a very pleasant day for soccer today. Sam's team won 6-2. She played out during the first half and goalie during the second half. She was close to scoring a goal. It can be so frustrating to watch sometimes. But I really enjoy cheering her on.
Until next time,
Jaime
Until next time,
Jaime
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